Manila and My disorder

 3 days ago...

6679 horrendous miles from UK to Manila started creeping my mind.

I'm stuck in a flying metal tube for 14 hours, 35000 feet above sea level.

I flicked the pages of the airline magazine as I tried to shift my mind off flying.

Still, I can clearly hear the engine's sound.

Turned on my ipod and played my dependable Vonda Shepard's Ally Mcbeal songs - nope doesn't help either.

Okay, that album used to soothe my mood while driving and it suddenly doesn't work?!

Inflight video should do it - browsed thru tv series and found FRIENDS. After a few minutes, I realised that somehow FRIENDS wasn't funny anymore. My hands are sweating, Breathing is difficult.
Something's wrong with me.

I looked around and found that everyone seemed relaxed. Except me.

Flying is not my thing.

4, 5, 6 hours passed... too scared to sleep cos I might wake up discovering half the cabin's gone.

As we approach China's airspace, I remembered being thankful for picking the aisle seat days before my flight, cause I'm too fucking scared to randomly get a window seat. Beside me, my friends were looking thru the window trying to find the himalayas, while there I was seated in the aisle counting the minutes.
Can't move. Cant even smile for the camera.

When the fasten seatbelt sign light up, that's it! I started saying my prayers.
When the turbulence gets worst, I started saying the Apostle's Creed.
I felt the plane ascend and the altitude says 37100 Shit! I swear ha, this is the highest I've been! Konti nalang space na!
Even my friends went a bit scared there cos the air's too thin - its hard to breath.
Dunno if it's just me with too much Air Crash Investigation tv or the Engineer must've forgotten to adjust the cabin pressure! (medyo paranoid na ko nito)

No Kidding! pati 'Hail Holy Queen', 'Angel of God' at 'Memorare' pinray ko.. nung ayaw paren kinanta ko na ang 'Our Father'

7 hours seems like forever!
I'm holding on to my Manila thought.

It felt bad. Seriously.

To the point that I even consider turning down projects with long flights as this.
I'd rather travel by Ship or Train or BUS! even if it takes me a month to reach my destination. It's that bad.




I know what statistics say.
I know how highly advanced aviation is.
I know if it's time.. it's time.
I heard all of it. Believe me.

But it's fear.
No matter how extremely hard I convince myself that flying is the safest way of travel.
It just doesn't work for me.

Flight status shows were in Philippine air space now. The pilot announced the start of descent.
I composed myself pretending that I handled it like a PRO.
My ears popped. I liked it. it's a good sign, we're about to land
I quickly took a glimpse of Manila's skyline. It greeted me with a layer of smog.
Touchdown.
My heart skipped and I finally smiled.... after 14 hours.

All my fears gone.

Manila is how I remembered it. Hot, humid, polluted but I love it.

I'm back. I'm home.